The office space, the guys with ties and suits. They all stay around me, watch me, expect from me. It’s my job to install things, to make them work in a completely new environment in a predetermined time. It’s the last day of the install and I need to have everything working now to avoid being late. Driven to improve, to assure stability only generates new issues and when problems appear for a moment I loose hope, I feel everything is falling apart and that those guys are looking at me with heavy eyes. It’s just a fraction of a moment when my thoughts are lost, I type incoherently and want to scream. I hate these infinitely configurable applications and the incomprehensible lazy admins. I hate the office walls and the windowless rooms. It’s just a moment, which in time I learned to minimize it, but with the weight of tones of iron on my head when the breath is heavy and the eyes burn. Then I regain control, start searching for the cause of the problem and solve it. One after another problems are solved maybe as a trade with the immense mental weight I carried for a second. In that moment of desolation I lost years of my life and when I leave the office in success I feel drained, walking with heavy legs home (to a place I don’t seem to find).